Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Feeling Stuck

I've never really been into long-winded blog posts (I suppose that's fairly obvious given my post history). To me it seems like they are just ego-patting and desperate. But, what else is a blog for I suppose.

I recently (in June) moved back home from New York. After what was the hardest four months of my life, I felt I needed the comfort of home and the distance it could afford me. And back in Flag, I absolutely felt that distance. I started working at a restaurant (something I'd never imagine doing), I cozied right back into my old bedroom, and I removed myself completely from the New York lifestyle I so desperately craved only a few six months earlier.

But I began to feel restless. Paintings go unfinished and plans remain as lofty hopes. Grad school? Yes! But I have to study so that gets pushed off. Portfolio? Yes! But that means I have to buy more canvas so that just doesn't happen. Going abroad? Absolutely! But that means learning a language and somehow saving enough money for a ghastly plane ticket. I'm lacking follow through for the first time in my life.

I had a brief 36-hour rendezvous with New York this past weekend and it reinstilled that hustle bustle that once drew me to the city. But being there also reminded me why I left. I'm still healing, and that requires time (yuck). New Yorkers are selfish and beautiful-- perhaps I no longer seek either of those so wholeheartedly.

I will get back to blogging and I will finish all of those paintings, grad school apps, learning German. And my new etsy will be up soon (Ochre and Bone).

Lonely Persimmon / Oil on Canvas / 6" x 4" / 2014

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